Samn0body's Blog

Openness

Posted on: November 17, 2009

 

 

 

 

Kira-kira sebulan yang lalu…

Untuk pertama kalinya dalam sejarah pertemananku, aku membagikan sebuah rahasia super dalamku kepada salah seorang temanku. Biasanya ada tembok besar dengan gembok super besar dan sistem keamanan yang super canggih yang melindungi harta dan juga racun dalam diriku. Kalau di Harry Potter harta itu bernama Batu Bertuah, dalam kasusku nama harta itu Windy.

 

Gabby: Tell me from the beginning.

Aku: There is nothing to tell besides I am in love again with someone that I had a crush on when I was in Elementary and Junior High School. Since I last met her, I think about her a lot.

Gabby: How do you feel exactly? I mean, is it like a crush on a boy, the red spot on your cheek, the heart beat, the sweat, like that?

Aku: Yeah, all of the above. Things that you feel when you are in love. (Aku dan Gabby memiliki satu kebiasaan, kami lebih suka menggunakan bahasa Inggris ketika kami ingin membicarakan sesuatu yang sangat rahasia dan pribadi)

Gabby: The same thing that you felt for Eddi?

Aku: (jedah) More.

Gabby: Besides her, have you ever?

Aku: I don’t think so. And even if I have, it is nothing compared to what I feel now.

Gabby: (jedah) Are you sure this is not an obsession?

Aku: What do you mean?

Gabby: You have not met her in a long time, maybe you are just still curious about her. Maybe there was this huge expression that she made that still makes you feel strongly connected to her.

Aku: (berhenti untuk berfikir) I have been searching for her since I lost contact with her for so long. And when I found her, you know, all of my feelings for her came back. Can you call that an obsession?

Gabby: I don’t know. Let me think. (jedah) Describe her, please?

Aku: Her?

Gabby: Yes, I need to picture her.

Aku: She … I don’t know how to.

Gabby: Come on, you know you can. Tell me.

Aku: (jedah) She is sweet, beautiful. Very feminine. Has long straight hair, smooth skin. Typical Chinese woman, so she has small eyes, but not so small. When she laughs, her eyes make a line.

Gabby: Is she tall?

Aku: Shorter than me a bit.

Gabby: Then, she is not tall. (tertawa)

Aku: (tertawa) at least taller than you.

Gabby: Continue.

Aku: She is older, 2 years older than me. She is very motherly, mature. She is kind to everyone. She is cheerful but deep down I think she is like me. And, I love her. And I think she knows it.

Gabby: Do you think she loves you back?

Aku: I don’t know. I am just glad that she doesn’t escape me. I just don’t want to lose her again.

Gabby: (Jedah) Will you have this relationship if she feels the same way?

Aku: (Jedah) Yes, I want it, so much. But, I think that possibility is just so far from truth. Even if she does, she is too religious to do things like that.

Gabby: Sam, basically, you have 2 choices. First, follow your heart, see if she really does feel the same way. Then you can move further. Second, make peace with your feeling. Try to forget her. Move on.

Aku: (Jedah lama) You think I have to escape her?

Gabby: It is your second option, but if you choose the second, I think you have to avoid her.

Aku: Gab, I can’t right now, I want to be with her, even as a friend. I don’t mind.

Gabby: Then be with her, but you must know that this is not right. But if it makes you happy, why not try.

Aku: Gab?

Gabby: Yeah?

Aku: Do I disgust you?

Gabby: What?! How come? You are my friend. You are still you.

Aku: Thanks, Gab. Thanks for the ears and the advice. I will think about it. But, I am still going. I have made a plan with her and I really really want to see her alone, you know, without anyone there.

Gabby: Good luck, Sam.

Aku: Can’t thank you enough.

Gabby: No problem.

 

Aku: (Diam)

Gabby: (Diam)

Aku: Ayo bicara yang lain. Bagaimana kerja?

Gabby: Before that, promise me you will keep this from Zhang? Promise me.

Aku: I know. I know. So, how is work?

 

Dan ketika aku menutup teleponku subuh itu, aku merasa beban berat yang ada di atas tubuhku telah terangkat. Gabby menggangkatnya dan membuangnya jauh-jauh dari tubuhku. Malam itu aku tertidur nyenyak.

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